The LAMEST Happy Meal Ever

You would think that a Star Wars Happy Meal is a pretty cool thing.

But you'd be wrong.

A few days ago our neighbors dropped this one off at our house. (Minus the food -- they simply wanted to donate the Star Wars box and the toy to our kids. These are great neighbors. They occasionally will pop by the house and give the kids a cute trinket or toy.) This Happy Meal, however, must have been designed by someone who a) hates Star Wars; and b) hates children.

Case in point. Look at the toy that came with the happy meal.

It's the Millennium Falcon, which by itself would be pretty cool, but in order to ruin this toy, the Star-Wars-hating, child-loathing toy makers decided to design a poor replica of Han Solo's head, blow it up to freakishly huge proportion, and mount it, hot-air-balloon-like, to the top of science fiction's coolest spaceship.

A perfectly good toy ruined.

But there's more. Han Solo's freakishly huge head is designed to . . .wait for it . . . wait for it . . . bobble. As the instructions that came with the toy clearly demonstrate (see below), you can pull back the Millennium Falcon and send it zooming across the table or floor or sidewalk or whatever (again, alone this is pretty cool -- with the huge head, not so much).

You see, the childlike glee is not, in these toy makers minds, supposed to derive from the zooming of the Millennium Falcon (which, again, is pretty cool BY ITSELF). No. The childlike glee comes instead, the hapless toy makers assume, from the waggling of the freakishly huge head.

But there's more. In addition to the huge headed-spaceship, the Happy Meal box comes with activities and games. Take this one, for example:

In case you can't see it, the instructions for this game read, "Punch out this planet and give half to your best friend in the whole galaxy." Ahh, yes. Nothing says friendship like thin cardboard that smells like McNuggets.

And here we are. Best friends, each with his own cardboard half-planet thingy, to treasure forever. So sad, a planet had to be rent asunder so that we could prove our mutual affection.

Oh, and one more thing. Click play:

--Josh